Integrating Initiation

You’ll see the word “initiation” tossed around the birth world, in quotes and memes, in advertising material. I recently realised that nobody had ever taken the time to dissect with me the phrase “take up space” before. Of course I’ve seen it used hundreds of times, but what did it actually mean to me? I followed the garden path of my heart and mind through hairstyle choices, sacred spaces, triggers and reactions, through the shadows that control our unconscious behaviour. I now feel I have integrated taking up space to some extent.

How do we integrate initiation?

There are three stages of initiation - separation, ordeal and return. Initiation is vital to how we see ourselves in the world, how a rite of passage can make or break us. I think of so many adult men I know who are wandering the world lost, because each stage of initiation is necessary, and in our modern world what chance to separate, what ordeal, what celebratory return is available to them? I think of adult women who become fractured mothers because nobody has held each vital stage during the birth process. This is what makes an experience empowering or traumatising.

I think of Inanna the sumerian goddess descending into hell, stripped of everything she knew, only to return triumphant due to the intercession and compassion of those who loved her. Those who were not afraid to walk in the shadows. Those who knew she could come through better than ever, enhanced by that sensitivity that is often a result of experiencing suffering. I recently observed to a mother waiting for her baby with equal parts anxiety and anticipation - giving birth is a bit like the tv show “stars in their eyes”, once you return from it you don’t know what version of yourself is going to walk out from behind the curtain.

In my work, I love to play the role of the fool - I believe laughter is often the best remedy. In the divine entwining of opposites, we laugh to reveal how seriously we are taking things. I think of Baubo the belly goddess dancing to make depressed Demeter laugh while her daughter was lost in the underworld. Often the sacred and the comedic intertwine. Laughing with postnatal mothers who are feeling the weight of the responsibility on their shoulders. In this laughter, we are celebrating - you returned, you are here, you have completed.

In my course on the wild feminine, we discuss how to complete initiations. At major life events, such as first menarche, first sexual experience, first birth… which part of your initiation was not held? Were you not treated with respect and understanding when you attempted to separate, to declare your identity, to choose your path? Did you experience love while going through the experience, or did you feel shame and fear? Were you celebrated afterwards, honoured, acknowledged as changed?

How can you give those things to yourself now? I work a lot with ceremony, which can be very healing and satisfying to the heart and soul when it comes to initiation. In the Mother Blessing, we honour the separation. In doula work, we are present for the ordeal. In Closing the Bones, we celebrate the return.

I hope this has brought you value when contemplating your own initiations, and deepened your awareness of the landscape of your soul.

Ahava and blessings,

Jenny xxx

My Hands

Thinking this morning about doulaing and mothering and this song comes on in the car...

When I think about hands it makes me think of the story of Granny Bonne and how the fairies gave her a wish for being a good midwife to them. Wise Granny knew material things can be lost or taken away so she said "make my hands so's they'll always be of some use"... she receives into her hands "comfort and goodness and tales and tears".

Most of mothering and doulaing is rolling your sleeves up and using your hands in service and for comfort. Preparing a meal, washing hair, cleaning bodily fluids, tender touch. It's the sacred in the mundane. At the last birth I went to, my dungarees were soaked with pool water and dried out on my body three times. It's being able to hold all the stories of the families you've served and dispense collective wisdom with tea and reassurance. It's being a small woman and still giving the firmest counterpressure when needed.

It also makes me think of the scapular the Mother gave us as a gift to show that we belong to Her, and how writer Perdita Finn while researching it realised it was nothing more profound than a mother's apron. And yet what could be more profound, more loving, than showing up and doing what is needed?

Ahava and blessings,

Jenny xxx

This Is Not Just A Cake

I am feeling so much magic in the air as the reverberations of Autumn-Violet’s birth portal are crashing like waves on the shore of my psyche. From a tearful, grumpy morning, to debates around the term “freebirth”...

I once walked through the door of a psychic and he said to me “you’re a midwife”. When I explained what a doula was, he clarified - “a soul midwife, and right now you’re not physically strong enough to carry these souls”.

For my own daughter’s birth, I had a soul midwife, call it freebirth because it was free of medical interference, but the terms mean less and less to me. Like I said to an expectant mother today, whoever is meant to be there will be there. These babies that are choosing these mamas are wise and know how they’re meant to be born. From unassisted birth at home to birth in theatre. We can’t dictate their soul’s journey, we can only lovingly witness and help in any way to make the transition full of love.

My own NHS EMDR therapist I call “healer in disguise”, she’s a wise woman in uniform and has never made me feel violated.

So this is not just a cake. This is the first cake I have made for my children that I made from scratch, because I’m not strung out, traumatised and exhausted, because I’m full of peace, and my milestone includes using real ingredients, including eggs from the chickens that I feed leftovers to every day. I have no regrets for the past - these journeys were vital and necessary and the gifts I gained from them could not be replicated. Wherever I'm going, I want it to be away from purity and towards Love.

I’m taking the time today to feel the appreciation, the magic and the wonder. Letting sun, grace and gratitude kiss me like a lover. Thank you thank you thank you.

Ahava and blessings,

Jenny xxx