The woman I used to be
The woman I used to be in 2017 - haunted and dead behind the eyes after a year and a half of domestic abuse, that reached it's peak in the postpartum period. This woman was about to become so terrified of what she was experiencing she would pack as much as she could in the space of an hour and leave her home, collect her eldest child early from school, and begin a journey of homelessness (that lasted six months) and family court (that lasted three years).
This would also be the beginning of my conscious womb healing journey. I say conscious because I believe we are always on a healing journey, always seeking resolution and revisiting the same circumstances in the hopes that things will be different this time. I needed answers as to why I had ended up in this situation.
The womb gave me the answer - and it completely blew my mind.
Despite two powerful births, there was still so much more to discover in the womb.
When you connect to the voice of the womb you realise she was always there. Womb healing is about unravelling the layers of conditioning that stifled her voice. Meeting the primal voice within that always knows what is going on. We can be afraid to venture there, because maybe we don't want to hear what she has to say. But like a loving grandmother, the medicine the womb has to offer is both bitter and sweet. Unconditional love isn't flowery and "nice". Sometimes it's tearing it all down and starting again.
Coming to the last two months of this beautiful healing pregnancy with the most gentle man by my side ❤️
The three spirals of womb awakening
There are three spirals for womb awakening, practices that you follow deeper and deeper into womb consciousness.
🌹 1. The heart-womb river practice. In this powerful practice we awaken the communication flow between the heart and the heart of the womb, and restore it's original blueprint. Instead of using it to send fear and pain to be stored in the womb, we become able to send our desires as seeds to be nurtured and grown through the womb space.
🌹 2. Conscious menstruation. A conscious menstruation practice enables us to release the energies of the month, and anything we may have picked up from others that we do not wish to store in the womb for them. This often includes shamanic practices to enter altered states of womb consciousness, physical rest, wisdom channelling and a practice of returning our blood to the earth.
🌹 3. Devotion to the Motherline and the red thread. This for many women is the biggest barrier to womb awakening, as we come to understand that our mother's womb is our portal to the womb of the holy mother. This wounding can also be held in the second grail gate of the womb. Through connecting to our line of maternal grandmothers we experience miracles and blessings moving up and down our red thread. We come to understand the womb as a place beyond time and space, where anything is possible.
I have so much to share about these sacred practices in my online courses Sacred Womb Journeys and The Medicine Wheel of the Womb.
Beltane and union with the Other
It’s Beltane Eve and the Lord and Lady are consummating their union and renewing the land. Deep in the forest she whispers to her champion “You are the one my womb loves best”, and they unite amongst the bluebells with the heady scent of hawthorn on the breeze.
From a young age I longed for union with the Other, could not find the masculine in the god of the church, sought it in all the wrong places, unconsciously tried to re-enact the mysteries with those who could not comprehend them.
I dreamed a few weeks ago that I was on an ice rink with a man, and he was holding my heavily pregnant body in his arms. He kept asking me to relax my weight into him, assuring me that he could carry it. Just a bit more, a bit more, until my resistance entirely disappeared in his arms. Then he was able to carry me across the ice as if I weighed no more than a bird. There was such exhilaration in relaxing into the strength of a master and trusting that he would dance across the ice with me. I felt no fear.
I woke and knew I had met god.
Eroticism between masculine and feminine is the tension that comes from reversal of power. In the romance novels, women desire to be overcome by a force that entirely dominates their being. Through their inevitable surrender they lose themselves in union. When we go deep into the goddess and womb mysteries, we are left in no doubt of how strong the feminine is. She is the thunderstorm, the tornado, the engulfing portal of death and rebirth. She is the devourer and the birther, the nurturer, the mother of all life.
When I close the bones of women after birth I talk about the burden and the blessing of the responsibility of bringing life into the world, or the responsibility of choosing not to. It can be so heavy. To meet the invisible force that says – allow me to carry the physical weight so you can simply glide. To meet the man who says – I know you can do it alone, but you don’t have to.
The relief of that surrender.
My birthday falls on Beltane and I will be 34 tomorrow, so for the next 48 hours you can get 34% off courses related to the womb mysteries, birth and tarot. Use the code MAYQUEEN at checkout.
