Birth Hurts

I have spent most of the evening crying.

For a long time the story I told myself around my first birth was largely positive. Waterbirth, no intervention, started my passion and career for birth work.

And I didn't speak about it much due to not wanting to offend.

But I still carry so much hurt from it. And this has been forcing itself to be processed over the last few weeks.

Not just the atmosphere or the words that were said, but how I was never given chance to bond in the first few hours. For no reason. Me and my son were treated as separate and when I eventually got him back I didn't recognise him. Since then feeling like he wasn't mine.

It is amazing how such deep wounds at a pivotal time have ripple effects into your life together. How important those mammalian instincts are at the very beginning. How delicately things need to be managed.

I'm allowing myself a good mourn and a cry today for always feeling not good enough.

Maiden Healing

Maiden healing..

I'm taking some time today to reconnect with myself. I have felt so much grief and sorrow over this part of myself that has surfaced in the last twenty four hours. .As we become women, our psyche expects to be welcomed into women's ways, taught the magic and mystery of our bodies.

Instead we learn shame and fear, like an awful gong ringing, now the time for fun is over.

It is time to be the woman you wish you had when you were younger. If you could talk to your younger self, what would you want her to know?

I would want her to know that she is perfect.

As a girl I was awkward, with a loud laugh, undiagnosed neurodiverse, unfashionable curly hair. I was obsessed with Celtic myths and legends and did an English project on the tale of Caer Ibormeith and Aengus Og.

What I wanted more than anything was to be free to read, experiment and to learn to love.

I wish this girl knew that the shame she felt over her body would become her superpower as she spends her life celebrating the power and beauty of the female body. I would tell her that the school pressures didn't matter because her work would be the work of the soul. I would tell her that her spiritual beliefs are real and valid and will grow from strength to strength.

She will become the woman she dreamed she would. The reason she doesn't fit in is because she is here to change things. Her weirdness is her gift.

How can you give permission for your maiden to have the things you wish you'd had?

Today I'm going to give myself the gift of release and compassion. I'm telling myself that my very real need for love and fun and connection is pure and good. That it is okay to make mistakes and not to know the plan.

Sending love to all you beautiful maidens xxx

HERstory

HERstory

Come back to the Mother. She is calling you home.

The Divine Feminine stirring in us now, a call to remember that God always was a woman.

From her body you came and to her body you will return.

Discover the story of the land you walk on, that feeds and nourishes you, the history of your ancestors.

Learn the story of women, the one they hid from us. That language and creation began with women. That art began with women. That in the beginning there was one belief and that was the life-giving and life-ending power of the female.

Ground yourself in your womb and your sacred knowledge.

Awaken into your wild ecstatic birthright.