How to feel a feeling
I stopped saying the word "triggered" months ago as I reached a point where I was pathologising my expansive emotional experience. I am not irrevocably damaged. I am a human who feels. I am a feminine woman whose gift is to feel keenly everything. This is not a disorder. This is human experience.
"I'm having a big feeling" makes a huge difference to me.
I had insomnia last night and I was feeling ALL the feelings. Prayer didn't work, meditation didn't work, writing it out didn't work, and I'm not sure how much sleep I ended up getting. I spoke to friends.
I bundled the kids off to school this morning and sat and spoke to myself. I tapped the release points on my body and said what I was feeling. I feel abandoned, I feel unloved, it's okay, I kept saying what I was feeling. It's okay that I feel like this. I acknowledged a huge part of me knew it was "unspiritual" to feel this way but right now I didn't care. The child part of me wanted what it wanted - the easy solution. I wanted somebody to make it better.
I let the tears flow. I knew if I had what I wanted it wouldn't solve my problem because the longing came from somewhere deep inside that cannot be filled by another human.
I prayed on it and asked for a sign. I said that I was willing to see it differently. I cried and cried.
Then I started feeling really angry. My favourite part of my morning is my fifteen minute dance break and this morning was one that left me breathless. Animals shake to release trapped emotion and we have a huge need as humans to consciously do it. Allowing the emotion to come up through the body and letting yourself move however you want to. Even if that is more stamping and punching than dancing.
This whole process took an hour and I might have to repeat it later or tomorrow. Our emotions are like pressure valves and what gets released the amount we are able to deal with at the time.
So now I've flopped down. My head hurts, my eye makeup is smudged, but I feel peace and calm starting to creep back in. The knot feels less. Nothing has been forbidden or left out.
