Lessons from the eight of swords
One thing I've noticed with traumatised women and dating, is the hyper-vigilance and tendency to cut and run at the first glimpse of reality, that their lover is less than perfect. It is something I've struggled with and I've witnessed in friends. I only became ready to break the cycle when I decided to date a good friend of mine who I knew had my best interests at heart and was fundamentally good and decent. It didn't work out but I am forever grateful for the lessons I learned.
I was talking about this with a friend the other day, and how we confuse legitimate human experiences with red flags. It's okay for my lover to have conflict with myself and others sometimes. What is important is how they speak about the others involved - do their words and actions show a fundamental level of respect? Are they seeking more to understand than to be right?
Conflict can teach us so much about how somebody values us. The healing of the repair makes us grateful for the rupture.
Traumatised women are so scared that if they allow their lover to be human there will come a point in the relationship where they are trapped and can't leave. This is a story they have lived through where they felt there came a certain point in a toxic relationship where it was perceived it was impossible to go. It becomes so much easier to cut and run to not have to face your own lack of self trust. No relationship is binding. Do you trust yourself to walk away when necessary?
If you never let yourself feel uncomfortable you're never going to fall in love. If you want a relationship you need to be able to honour the humanity in another and hold them in grace.
- thoughts on a Saturday morning
