I am not a practicing Catholic, and the last time I attended Mass was in my mid-teens. I've spent many hours teaching about the effects of patriarchy on women and women's bodies.
I've been observing the posts about abortion going back and forth on my timeline. My heart is with every woman - knowing that as women we have the inalieable right and ability to give and take life, and the simultaneous sorrow that many of these women are trapped and this is their last resort.
Bodily autonomy is my bottom line and I am particularly sensitive to cultural context when it comes to women. And so I leave a flower for all the life that returns to its Mother, and the lives of those who need so much love right here right now.
When I listen to abortion stories, I am always struck by the sorrow, the suffering and the self-love. The woman saying, I matter. I am the child who I am gifting new life to.
I've recently been wondering whether to get back into online dating and thinking of the good things about me... loyal, reliable, funny. What would be the cons of dating me? That I regularly bring home human placentas and statues of the Virgin Mary. Perhaps there is somebody out there who will find my idiosyncrasies charming. That remains to be seen.
When my mother describes her experience of Church I feel like I participate in this mutual love and worthiness. She talks about the flowers for Mothering Sunday and taking them to her grandmother after service, in particular the way that when you announced you were pregnant people were excited and pleased for you, as opposed to friends and family who made comments like "another one?" "what about money?" or "just as you were getting your life back too!"
Nobody thought you were too poor, had too many, were limiting yourself. They just saw the miracle in front of them. My mother said, they saw children as a blessing. This in turn made her feel blessed for that hour every week.
That is one of the beautiful things about the Catholic Church. At the centre of devotion you have a woman, a poor woman, birthing Love through her body. A child who will be a man who works with his hands, who could be classed as "uneducated" but brings forth words of truth and love from his heart. I know this was passed down to me as a shining example, influencing my life path, as all I know and revere is Sacred Mother.
I've always had a difficult relationship with God that I'm trying to heal. For a long time one of my biggest frustrations is that men would treat me like "the virgin mary", my exact words, somebody to be respected from afar but not touched. Then I see how nothing is black and white, that ideas can heal and harm.
Sometimes our biggest insecurities, what we try to run from within ourselves, is our biggest gift. It turns out she is the face of the Goddess I most relate to, who always answers, who never lets you down. She is very real and very touchable.
I doubt I will ever be a practising Catholic again. I don't like rules and I don't like ideas being set in stone. To me, learning is about staying curious as you meet beautiful new ideas you hadn't considered yet. And I think that's just how Jesus would have felt to those around him.
A font of beautiful new ideas that hadn't been considered yet.
I hope this brought you some value - from my heart to yours.
