The three spirals of womb awakening

There are three spirals for womb awakening, practices that you follow deeper and deeper into womb consciousness.

🌹 1. The heart-womb river practice. In this powerful practice we awaken the communication flow between the heart and the heart of the womb, and restore it's original blueprint. Instead of using it to send fear and pain to be stored in the womb, we become able to send our desires as seeds to be nurtured and grown through the womb space.

🌹 2. Conscious menstruation. A conscious menstruation practice enables us to release the energies of the month, and anything we may have picked up from others that we do not wish to store in the womb for them. This often includes shamanic practices to enter altered states of womb consciousness, physical rest, wisdom channelling and a practice of returning our blood to the earth.

🌹 3. Devotion to the Motherline and the red thread. This for many women is the biggest barrier to womb awakening, as we come to understand that our mother's womb is our portal to the womb of the holy mother. This wounding can also be held in the second grail gate of the womb. Through connecting to our line of maternal grandmothers we experience miracles and blessings moving up and down our red thread. We come to understand the womb as a place beyond time and space, where anything is possible.

I have so much to share about these sacred practices in my online courses Sacred Womb Journeys and The Medicine Wheel of the Womb.

Beltane and union with the Other

It’s Beltane Eve and the Lord and Lady are consummating their union and renewing the land. Deep in the forest she whispers to her champion “You are the one my womb loves best”, and they unite amongst the bluebells with the heady scent of hawthorn on the breeze.

From a young age I longed for union with the Other, could not find the masculine in the god of the church, sought it in all the wrong places, unconsciously tried to re-enact the mysteries with those who could not comprehend them.

I dreamed a few weeks ago that I was on an ice rink with a man, and he was holding my heavily pregnant body in his arms. He kept asking me to relax my weight into him, assuring me that he could carry it. Just a bit more, a bit more, until my resistance entirely disappeared in his arms. Then he was able to carry me across the ice as if I weighed no more than a bird. There was such exhilaration in relaxing into the strength of a master and trusting that he would dance across the ice with me. I felt no fear.

I woke and knew I had met god.

Eroticism between masculine and feminine is the tension that comes from reversal of power. In the romance novels, women desire to be overcome by a force that entirely dominates their being. Through their inevitable surrender they lose themselves in union. When we go deep into the goddess and womb mysteries, we are left in no doubt of how strong the feminine is. She is the thunderstorm, the tornado, the engulfing portal of death and rebirth. She is the devourer and the birther, the nurturer, the mother of all life.

When I close the bones of women after birth I talk about the burden and the blessing of the responsibility of bringing life into the world, or the responsibility of choosing not to. It can be so heavy. To meet the invisible force that says – allow me to carry the physical weight so you can simply glide. To meet the man who says – I know you can do it alone, but you don’t have to.

The relief of that surrender.

My birthday falls on Beltane and I will be 34 tomorrow, so for the next 48 hours you can get 34% off courses related to the womb mysteries, birth and tarot. Use the code MAYQUEEN at checkout.

Crab Apple

It’s the Taurus new moon and I am weeping. I am weeping because what has been buried has come to the surface.

Crab apple – for the person who feels there is something unclean and evil buried within them. As a survivor of abuse, this speaks to me deeply. My apprehension and my hope for this pregnancy have both been the same. That I will be healed. That it will be hard.

I know and believe in my heart, that our souls are always seeking to heal. We always seek resolution, walking similar paths hoping to find a different destination. If we are not conscious of this we can fall into the same hole again. If we are too cautious we will never find what we are looking for because we avoid the paths entirely.

Narcissistic abuse plants an evil seed within. The narcissist gets inside your soul and violates what you hold most sacred and dear. It’s a flaying of original innocence, that holy knowledge of our innate goodness we carry within us. Everything that is beautiful and pure they will make twisted and ugly.

You will become complicit in your own abuse, as you do more and more for a glimpse of the sunshine of their approval before it swiftly disappears behind a cloud, and hate yourself for this self-degradation.

What to take from a woman initiated through the womb?

Take the beauty and joy of her pregnancy. Take her admiration for her changing body. Take her reverence for her sexuality. Take her self-respect. Take her rest and make her work hard. Take away any sense of safety, within and without, so that all that’s left is the changeable face of a monster that must be pandered to and appeased. Take her newborn bliss. Take the sanctity of breastfeeding. Make it wretched. Make it disturbing. Take the first few years with her beloved child so that all she sees is danger everywhere. So that the sound of a man’s footsteps makes her gasp.

Pregnancy is a time of accumulation and absorption. When you cannot bleed with the moon, the energy grows and builds within the womb. This is why postpartum is so fragile, as the months of accumulation are shed in one go. There is a power and a weakness in the mother heavy with child. I feel it keenly. As my gait changes and with the force of the child moving. You can feel every single limb. You need so much more from others to be able to do this. You are able to give so much less. As your stomach capacity decreases your heart capacity increases to become this bottomless well where you could chug down all the love and not be satiated.

I feel it. The point where, if somebody chose to – they could perpetrate evil.

So I find myself nearly every day under the apple tree. Christened by the blossom and marvelling at the amount of bees, such a relief. Feeling the strength of the child, another relief. When I was sobbing this morning my husband suggested we go to the garden and I once again found myself under the apple tree. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this triggered. It’s been years. My body remembers and his body remembers. “I wanted to make a crab apple essence today…” I say once I have purged all the sadness and the sobs have subsided. To capture the magic of this spring and have it as medicine forever.

Then I read the words – for the person who feels there is something evil and unclean buried within them. In my vulnerability I’ve been letting this tree bless me over and over without even knowing.

I can see now how I’ve been instinctively trying to return to Eden.

Crab apple. For restoring that sense of innate goodness and holiness that lives within every person. For the one who has seen the darkest side of human nature and is forever changed. For the one who carries the shame of what was done to them. Like the apple blossom of spring scattered in the hair, the sweet scent carried on the breeze, both bringing joy and delight, we reclaim our original innocence. We do not need to be ashamed. We can enjoy the sensual delights of the season we are in and the sweet promise of harvest.

No one is coming into the garden to punish us.