Rhiannon

I allow myself to be cracked open

On the third day

The cusp of the portal

Of women's mystery.

Make a choice to see the beauty of

The people trying.

I am touched by the way

That they are trying.

Today

I cannot stop my heart pounding

Cannot stop my body shaking

And in the past I have ranted

And raved

And wailed

I've railed against the powers

That believe they have any right

To my life.

Shrieked into the abyss

That is the depths

Of my grief.

For what has been lost

For what is demanded of me.

There is a place for that.

There is a place for all of me.

Last night I prayed under the crescent moon

And my words were just this

"I surrender to the wisdom

Of the universe

I let myself feel gratitude

All I ask is

Let them be compassionate

Let them be kind."

Today was the day

I let in the light.

- Jenny Wren

Don't Try This At Home

I read a post yesterday about a woman's amazing freebirth, and one of the comments suggested that she put a "disclaimer" on it that freebirth is only for women who are really knowledgeable and really in touch with their bodies.

What if something terrible happened to somebody else?!

It struck me as absolutely mad that we would even think of putting a disclaimer on a baby coming out of a woman's vagina with no interference. Like "don't try this at home"! Leave giving birth naturally to the "experts"!

Is this the state of affairs we have come to? Would we put a disclaimer on hospital birth stories essentially saying "enter at your peril"? No.

It reminded me of when a friend of mine who is a medical professional suggested I put a disclaimer on my blog about declining ultrasound. He said that I wouldn't want to make it look like I was encouraging women to not have ultrasound because what if something bad happened and I was responsible?

These opinions do nothing except infantilise women. If a woman needs an ultrasound and a midwife to feel safe, you can bet nothing I say about my *personal* choices will stop her. Women are the experts in their own bodies and their own experiences.

There is nothing special about me that makes me a better candidate for freebirth than the next woman. I am no more of an expert at getting babies through my body than any other woman. I'm 5ft4, about 135lbs. Average. Boringly so. My freebirth actually was the catalyst for my story of becoming in touch with my body, it is part of what set me free.

Freebirth is for any woman who wants it, is called to do it. It is the default, when you remove everything else. It is the original birth story. No disclaimer needed.

Photograph by Samantha Gadsden Doula

The Land Whispers To Me

The power of the wise woman

Courses through me.

Calling me.

I find myself wanting to be alone.

The land whispering to me

To gift myself time

To let myself shed

To look back over

My life

Stitched like a patchwork quilt

The faded brilliance

Of what was loved

And what was.

Tracing the path that led me here.

The pulsing of my body

Has slowed down

I am

The vastness of the lake

Frozen over in winter.

I am

The echo in the cave

And the spider in the web.

I think of the old women

Who welcomed me here

One gave me her house

And watches me still.

The other gave me her Goddess

From beyond the veil

I wait to see what the third

Will bring.

- Jenny Wren