Spiritual Practise | Jenny Wren

Two weeks in quarantine.

First diarrhoea and vomiting and then chicken pox.

I send frustrated messages out to friends and family

Bemoaning the situation.

That I am the only reliable parent.

I am the only parent.

Cancelling commitments and ending screen time restrictions.

At my lowest

I breastfeed while sat in a puddle of sick and as she is heaving she asks for more and more.

Judah starts to feel better and resumes bouncing off the walls.

But we are trapped.

When we are mothers we deny and deny

We wail at the injustice

Sometimes we simply walk away

Say

"I can't do this anymore"

Yet come back to offer the breast again, with a sigh.

This is resignation

This is love

And I am reminded

That most of motherhood

Is a spiritual practise.

When I said "we" I meant "me" | Jenny Wren

Being a truly single parent has it's pros and cons, one pro being you get to make all the decisions, one con being you are responsible for every single decision you make. Therefore all the blame or praise lands directly on you.

Scary stuff.

One thing I noticed I did recently at an appointment for the baby, is I said "*we* decided xyz..."

It's a slip of the tongue that I've caught myself doing before, the way I spoke about my pregnancy and birth choices just continued past birth, and it probably comes from this anxiety about being judged as a single mother for possibly making the wrong choices.

Like there is some mysterious man at home in charge validating my decisions, making them legitimate. The seal of approval from a higher authority.

Instead of just me.

It's tough because there is nobody to bounce ideas off, to make mistakes together, to present a united front, to work as a team. I know relationships don't work like that all the time and there can be power struggles, disagreements. If I'm honest the thought of somebody, anybody, telling me what to do with my children makes my spine stiffen, hackles rise.

Why even now do I still do it?

I spoke to some of my single mum friends and they said "oh god I do that too".

It's clearly a conditioned behaviour I need to unlearn.

So if I said "we" I meant "me".

I make my decisions from what I know in my heart to be right. I spend all day every day with my children, I grew them in my body, I birthed them and fed them and sang to them, massaged and rocked and changed them on my own. There is nobody who knows what is best for them more than me.

I am their mother, and this is what I have decided.

Choice | Jenny Wren

To other people our choices might seem crazy. To one woman an induction for a poorly baby might seem nonsensical, to another waiting for labour to start might seem unimaginable. Who is wrong?

Neither of them are.

Women deserve ALL information. Dismissing valid sources based on personal biases has no place in maternity care. There is no wrong choice. What one person decides is dangerous will be different to another. You have a right to decline care even if it's to the detriment of your health just as you can accept care even if it's to the detriment of your health.

Let us not infantilise women and talk like they need protection from themselves and the big scary internet.

You can make a decision based on top A grade evidence (like only 12% of maternity care guidelines), on the poorest quality study going (bearing in mind some official guidelines don't even have evidence to support them), on the planetary alignments, on what a fortune teller told you, your gut instinct, just how you woke up feeling that day.

I run this page because overwhelmingly women are saying they are NOT satisfied with the information being given to them, or the manner in which it is delivered. Sometimes I wish my job didn't exist at all.It wasn't so long ago delayed cord clamping had a huge evidence base and wasn't standard practice. Current practice is not always best standard. Always research things yourself if it matters to you.

You are intelligent, you are the expert, you are responsible for your body and your baby.