Humans have a huge capacity for healing. The body is always trying to repair. I think of the sunburn now peeling across my nose, my thumb I caught on the cheese grater, my skin knitting itself together because my body knows how to fix these careless errors of mine, in its immense wisdom.
So I sit, and I drink tea, in the way that all women do when they need to take stock.
I am a doula and the wisdom of the body is evident to me in all my work. I have a cross-stitch on my wall that says “vaginas open babies come out”. So simple and so obvious, yet so often we try to look anywhere but inside ourselves for the answer. I think of myself even now wanting validation for my choices from those closest to me, like their approval makes what I am doing safe, like their reassurance is the permission I need to follow my inner guidance.
I found this self-heal growing by the river, the vibrant purple making me stop in my tracks. Purple, the colour of the third eye, the colour of intuition, royalty, destiny. So innocuous, another ‘small yet mighty’ plant ally. I am a believer in fate and in signs. I remember what the psychic told me last year. I made a phone call this morning to a woman who sounded like home. I know the feeling of barriers lifting, I know it so well by now. My heart makes that slow thud, thud, that it does when the path clears. The calmness that descends when the universe is conspiring to give you what you asked for. When you surrender and let yourself be carried by the river of change.
When I think of the specific anxieties I have at the moment, I think of a friend of mine who sold all her belongings to travel the world. I think of the way I prop myself up with objects and safe spaces like one big coping mechanism. I think of my father remarking “sometimes you just have to take a chance or you’ll never do anything” and how it was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. I think of Kali-Ma and that secret desire all women have to decimate egos, lifestyles, ways of being. I think of the spaces we make for safety becoming confining and limiting. I am not who I was, and yet I am not who I will be…
Self-heal, to remind yourself that you have all you need within. For bravery, for courage, for transformation. For resilience and trust. For the power of change - the power TO change. For releasing coping mechanisms that are no longer required. For coming home to your innate healing power. The power to expand, to ask for more. To outgrow old stories. To become.
Ahava
Jenny xxx
