A few nights ago I dreamed a dark man was chasing me again. I have this dream a lot. I try to call the police and the numbers don't work on my phone.
I try to run but my legs are so heavy and he is catching me up. He says he only wants me to love him but he is so aggressive, so persistent, so frightening, this doesn't feel like love.
I lash out, I beg, I plead. He wants my essence. He sees himself as a victim of my power. He doesn't listen to me.
Another man, a kind one that I recognise, is making a room beautiful for me and stringing up fairylights. I am not allowed to stay because I am being chased, and there is another woman there who I must lie and hide from.
I don't want this kind man to know how I am always on the run, this shadow of shame and fear that chases me from within and without. So I hide from him too. I hide from the woman who makes me feel dirty and ashamed for being human.
And afterwards I sat down in safety, surrounded by people who were sympathetic, safety in numbers, in the group, only to realise I had bled all down my legs.
I thought "it can't be my cycle, it's not the right time". But there was the blood and everybody was staring at me. They had thought that I needed saving from the darkness and now my blood was everywhere, exposing my power.
They were horrified.
I woke and I was bleeding. I'd crossed over the first gate in the night early again.
Being called to release more often, more frequently, renewing, reclaiming--
Then more nightmares.
A man in a shroud. It is my fault. Shouting and yelling. Uncovering. Discovering.
Over the coming days feeling more calm and balanced than I've felt in a long time, feeling nourished from within, able to meet my own needs, seeing things with so much clarity.
What an incredible time.
What is the night revealing to you?
