Why I Don't Call Myself Vegan Anymore

Why I don't call myself vegan anymore...

This post has been swirling round my head for days as I try to find the right words and I know this will be hard to hear for some. I've considered myself vegan for five years, vegetarian for a decade before that. I was vegan through pregnancy, breastfeeding, living in a domestic violence refuge, raising two children as a single mother. I have chosen to go hungry rather than eat something that wasn't vegan. Really, being vegan is easy. I am used to it. I never liked eating animals. Being part of a movement made me feel good. Reducing death seemed like a cause I absolutely wanted to be behind. I guess what differentiates me from other vegans right off the bat is I don't believe that humans are herbivores... but I still didn't agree with factory farming or want to consume animal products in any way.

As I have gone further on my spiritual journey especially through my work with the dark Goddess and birth... marvelling at the fear of death that drives obstetrics... the resistance to biology in birth work, the fear of death that is dominating our current lives and liberties. My ego led me to believe that I was above such fears. Yet as I delved deeper into my preconceived notions, I felt the burn of hypocrisy as the crone laughed at me. I realised that refusing to consume animal products even from a young age was my own fear of death and my refusal to be part of the cycle of life. Our blood growing the plants that feeds the animals who feed us. Denying this was disconnecting me from my ancestors and the wheel of the year. It was humbling. I am still working out what that means to me. It is scary.

My journey into druid work is opening my eyes to grey areas everywhere, I know my passion can often lead me into absolutes and causes, I am learning that there are many kinds of truths and am wary of anything that calls itself the answer.

But for now - I am still mostly plant-based for my own convenience as it has been such a long time since I was otherwise. I am consciously trying to resist ideologies and movements, to maintain the ability to evaluate situations as they arise. I choose accepting hospitality and suspending judgment. I will eat what I feel like eating and recognise that for the immense privilege that it is and an advantage of my beautifully designed body. I am just at the beginning.

Learning To Be Free

I am letting go

Of labels

Of ideologies

Of anything that wants to

Give me the answers.

I am part of no club

Or cult

I blindly follow no movement.

I am evolving

Searching.

In the confines of this year

I have been learning to be free

And I always tried to belong

To anything else

But me.

- Jenny Wren

Rhiannon

I allow myself to be cracked open

On the third day

The cusp of the portal

Of women's mystery.

Make a choice to see the beauty of

The people trying.

I am touched by the way

That they are trying.

Today

I cannot stop my heart pounding

Cannot stop my body shaking

And in the past I have ranted

And raved

And wailed

I've railed against the powers

That believe they have any right

To my life.

Shrieked into the abyss

That is the depths

Of my grief.

For what has been lost

For what is demanded of me.

There is a place for that.

There is a place for all of me.

Last night I prayed under the crescent moon

And my words were just this

"I surrender to the wisdom

Of the universe

I let myself feel gratitude

All I ask is

Let them be compassionate

Let them be kind."

Today was the day

I let in the light.

- Jenny Wren