Walking Alongside You

As I move on to filming about the shadow feminine and dark Goddesses for my Awaken Your Wild Feminine course, it has had me thinking about the shadow times we go through as women and how it influences our work.

I've been talking to the feminine divine since I was a young girl, in her many forms.

Goddess spirituality isn't all love and light and blessings, often healers go through immensely dark times to heal themselves and share their gifts with others.

I had an amazing realisation yesterday that I have made such a point of not sharing my trauma that somebody I have known for nearly a year still didn't know what happened to me that changed my life forever.

This means to me I have done my healing work so well.

This course is my Persephone offering from the underworld, turning darkness into light. This cannot be imitated, and your journey is just as unique.

I am somebody who has walked through the shadows. I am somebody who has been pushed to the edge.

I have turned the wound into a place that blooms, because I know the true price of giving away your power.

So as we go on a journey examining the dark lessons from our past and the messages of hope, remember I am walking alongside you sister 🙏

Winter

I am the walker

between the worlds

I am the shedding snake

The bones in the snow.

The dreamer In the dark

I am the tender belly

Bleeding onto the earth

And I am she who births.

The one who has been threatened

And the one who bears her teeth

Like a wolf.

Travelling through dreams

And time.

The synchronicity

And the stillness

Of this night.

(Winter)

World Breastfeeding Week 2020

I've been thinking about what I want to share for World Breastfeeding Week and I couldn't decide what sentiments or photos would be just right so these are my thoughts from this afternoon.

I have been breastfeeding for 5 of the last 7 years, two separate children. It is without a doubt for me a lifestyle rather than a feeding choice. I choose to meet their suckling needs solely with breastfeeding.

It has meant everything to me. It has made me love my body in a whole new way. It has given me confidence and competence as a mother. It has enabled me to go further, do more, with this anchor of nourishment and comfort always available.

My first journey was retrospectively the easiest. Although I did not know what I was doing as a first time mum, we managed to get through jaundice-related sleepiness with cup feeding and quickly overcame the early setbacks to feed for 2.5 years. I initiated the weaning for many reasons, which I later regretted.

My second journey was the hardest. My daughter had tongue tie and I developed something called D-MER which is where you dissociate and get panic attacks when the milk lets down. I cannot share why. For months when she was awake she would only feed like this upright in the sling, we adapted, it was hard. I coslept with her and breastfed her on a single mattress in a women's aid refuge for nearly six months. I am convinced if I had not already successfully fed my first child I would have given up. But it was not an option, I was not prepared to consider any alternative. It got easier, her latch has never improved, I decided I wanted to stop earlier this year but chose to carry on during the pandemic as breastfeeding is so important for the immune system and now I'm so glad I did. We are still going strong at nearly 3. (As an aside I cannot recommend highly enough my dear friend Lisa of Women Are Amazing for breastfeeding support. She is an absolute angel.) Breastfeeding is something that is so intrinsic to our humanity and our womanhood, which is why it becomes so emotive... and our society is not set up to facilitate it. I would say society has a vested interest in preventing it, for what could be less productive to the capitalist mentality than a woman sat feeding a baby all day? What if women loved it so much they never went back to "normal" at all? This is why we need to celebrate it because it does become a new way of living. It requires bravery and self-confidence. Breastfeeding is a sacrifice and a joy. It becomes going against the grain, especially after your baby is a few months old. It is a deep acknowledgement of the emotional, tactile and nourishment needs of small humans in a society that is desperate to prove mothers and mothering can be replaced by anybody. This week is for you mamas. I see you.