My womb sent me dreams about the two babies I miscarried…
I am sharing this because I feel called to let women know what it means to be your own oracle. When we are in the middle of an initiation it doesn’t feel like it, it feels like suffering, sometimes fighting the experience, before we surrender into it and become open to its wisdom.
I came to birth work from initiations of pleasure, to womb work from initiations of pain, but truly the pleasure and pain are intersected and overlap and sometimes you cannot tell one from another. The mystery is not done with me yet, there are deep paths to travel and for me the boundaries between life and death become more blurred every day.
I have shared these stories with only a couple of people, and no doubt some spirit baby mediums would tell me I am incorrect… in fact one medium did when I opened up about my experience. Spirit babies are apparently supposed to come back to you. I have heard this to be true and several women I know have experienced the soul coming back. The beauty about womb wisdom is that we do not need to rely on outside validation for our insights. The beauty of the mystery of the soul is nobody has the definitive answers.
The first baby I miscarried last year came to me in a dream a week later. He was a sweet baby boy and I knew instantly that he was not mine and I would not be keeping him. I knew that he had another mother and our time together was going to be brief. I asked if I could breastfeed him just once, and she said yes, and I put him to my breast for one feed and handed him over to her loving care. This dream was so comforting – what did this soul appointment mean for me and for him? He was going to his true mother who loved him deeply.
The second baby I miscarried recently was a much harder experience and very physically painful. I knew they were not going to stay, experienced a nervousness I had never felt before in any pregnancy. I told my friend Sam and she shared that her pear tree had a baby pear tree, and we should come and get the baby one to grow alongside our baby. My husband dug up the baby pear tree to bring home with us and we realised it had no roots of its own and would not grow. Dread filled me and Sam told me she also knew in that moment the baby would not stay.
The soul also came to me in a dream a week or so later. The baby was a girl who had not been wanted by another mother and was seeking a new one, and there was a choice between me and another mother who had different things they could offer the soul.
Ultimately I was not chosen, which was very sad but I did feel through the physical experience of miscarrying that something had been cleared from the womb that I had not been able to do myself, and that our time together had a deep purpose for both of us.
I am so grateful for these dreams from the womb that remind me when it comes to death, life, conception, there is no blame, there is no guilt. There are only souls finding their way through the time/space reality, making choices, healing each other, teaming up together and parting ways. I have been in a grief space these last few weeks and was able to release more sadness over the weekend, which is why I feel the time is right now to share.
As women we experience divinity through the holy animal that is the body, through being bearers of life and death. We do not need anybody to tell us our experiences and intuitions are real or not real. We are the oracle.
